Somebody up there cares!

This is amazing news for you, me, and this guy:


Seriously - watch the earlier episodes however you can. They're online all over the place. So worth it. The best. I love this show more than frozen Snickers bars, and I'm really developing a deep love for those.

Barnes and Noble: Frisco, TX

Readers/Friends,
Would love to see you at this show on Thursday. I've been working on it like a crazy man and it's still in progress, but should be a very funny time. Especially if you've ever worked retail.
COME!

Ars Nova presents, as part of our developmental comedy series, Tragedy Tomorrow:

Barnes & Noble, Frisco TX

A sketch show with music, written and performed by Lucas Kavner

Directed by Andrew Zox

Also featuring Willie Orbison, Molly Austin, and Ben Correale.

ARS NOVA website

Not Quite Yet, Slugger

I've never had a dream so carefully almost-handed to me as I did two days ago when I auditioned for a correspondent spot on the Daily Show. As I explained it to a friend, it felt like starting Med school, just beginning to get the hang of the first year, and then suddenly a guy hands you a scalpel and tells you to go perform surgery in the next room. Like...I ain't ready fo this to happen. But dammit, I'm going to save that life. Dammit.

Generally, I thought it went well...the first script I was nervous was hell for, but I smoothed the edges as I went along. By the end I felt comfortable, they were laughing, etc. Comfort. Yey.

Alas, I didn't get it, but got some good feedback. Hopefully there will be a next time... cuz mannnnn I really really, really wanted it. So bad. Perhaps they were looking for someone like this:
They don't have a short, preppy Asian girl quite yet... That would make sense.

There are times in life when something small, or big, or random, or whatever, changes the way you feel day-to-day, the way the city looks and smells, the way your body moves through it. I'm feeling that way recently - like I'm living in a different place.

I could attribute this to a number of things, but maybe I'll just say it's because I recently found out the "Secret." You know, the one that sold millions and millions of copies? The New Agey secret? Yeah, I learned it. It makes sense, kind of.

I hope it works this week.

This is Worth Your Time

"Houston, We Have a Dog"

Levi Opens Up

"We'll see, we'll see how it is," The 19 year-old said in an interview on "Good Morning America" airing Monday. "We'll just remain friends for now. We're both cool with that decision, and we'll see...We were just, we were in a fight...And trying to see if we can make things work. But this is what it kind of ended up turning into. But we'll see what happens."


The Rest of the Interview (Fan Fiction)

What was our fight about? Oh, so it was like: I have this hat that I like to wear and Briss was all, "Levi take off that hat during dinner time," but I was all, "I wearz what I wearz!" you know, cause that shit was MY hat. My hat. But she tried to take it off and I was all, "I'm goin' over to Lisa's house, this marriage is O-F-F." And Briss was all, "Wait!" And I was all, "Nahhhhhhh."

Yeah, you know, like...Briss pisses me off sometimes, it's true. But we're buds. First are foremost. Not buds like me and CJ are buds, he's my boy, but we're down. What about the kid, you're askin? You know, she's down to have this kid without me around to dick it up...I'm pretty sure of that. No doubt. I mean, I know I preggersed her up or whatever, and the GOP before was all like, "See this is what's good about teen pregnancy, that dude's gonna marry the girl he preggersed," but sometimes.... What? .... 'Preggersed' isn't a word...? Fuck y'all, I'm usin' it .... Yeah, well, I don't give a dick what's words and what isn't words, I speaks how I speaks.

Yeah, so you know, what's sweet is that now I can just jump in the Time Machine that Sarah promised me last fall and we can just pretend this thing never happened....Like I'll just go back to shooting things off of rocks and slidin' around on ice with the sharp shoes I put on my feet hittin that black circle around, so, man, Thank God for that Time Machine or else I'd have to totally take care of the--!....What? .... What do you mean there's 'no time machine?' That lady told me---?.... but? Okay...Well, whatevs, I'm'a find the Time Machine. I know it exists somewhere out there....Someone's gotta be able to tell me where it's at.

Otherwise I'm actually gonna have to, like, be a father or whatever. Which was never the plan. The plan was always the Time Machine...Oh God...what if there's no....?*

*Levi pukes

BUT THIS LOVE WAS SUPPOSED TO LAST FOREVER!!!

New Marissa Nadler, Y'All

Saw her once about a year ago. Really amazing voice...fills a room with a cold, dusty, lovely quality. I haven't heard the whole album but P-fork says it's 8.3 worth of good! And 1.7 worth of SHIT.

Marissa Nadler - River of Dirt

Meghan, you Goofball!

Did everybody read this?  Because it's pretty bafflingly nuts.  

Like...I genuinely can't believe she wrote this, read this over, and then just said to herself, "Yes, I'd like to send this to a prominent liberal blog-aggregator."

I missed Vermont today

McSweeney's

One lil life goal came true yesterday when McSweeney's published a piece of mine to their front page. If you are a Boxing Metropolis Frequenter (Hey, mom, whats up?) you might have seen it on these very pages just a few weeks ago.

Here's the link, it's right here... LINK.

Funny aside: they had my email listed as "Kavner@gmail.com" the first half of the day, so just for shits I emailed this Kavner and said, "Hey, who is this? If you get any emails for 'Lucas' just pass them along to me. Also, Kavners Unite, Kavners4Life," etc etc.

Because, the interesting thing about the name Kavner is that it's completely made up. Our family changed our more Jewish last name (I think Kavnowitz was what it was) to Kavner many years ago in order to seem less Jewish. So only my family has this name. Ain't no other Kavners on this Earth other than those descended from a Kavner in the last 50 or so years....