The Rest of the Interview (Fan Fiction)
What was our fight about? Oh, so it was like: I have this hat that I like to wear and Briss was all, "Levi take off that hat during dinner time," but I was all, "I wearz what I wearz!" you know, cause that shit was MY hat. My hat. But she tried to take it off and I was all, "I'm goin' over to Lisa's house, this marriage is O-F-F." And Briss was all, "Wait!" And I was all, "Nahhhhhhh."
Yeah, you know, like...Briss pisses me off sometimes, it's true. But we're buds. First are foremost. Not buds like me and CJ are buds, he's my boy, but we're down. What about the kid, you're askin? You know, she's down to have this kid without me around to dick it up...I'm pretty sure of that. No doubt. I mean, I know I preggersed her up or whatever, and the GOP before was all like, "See this is what's good about teen pregnancy, that dude's gonna marry the girl he preggersed," but sometimes.... What? .... 'Preggersed' isn't a word...? Fuck y'all, I'm usin' it .... Yeah, well, I don't give a dick what's words and what isn't words, I speaks how I speaks.
Yeah, so you know, what's sweet is that now I can just jump in the Time Machine that Sarah promised me last fall and we can just pretend this thing never happened....Like I'll just go back to shooting things off of rocks and slidin' around on ice with the sharp shoes I put on my feet hittin that black circle around, so, man, Thank God for that Time Machine or else I'd have to totally take care of the--!....What? .... What do you mean there's 'no time machine?' That lady told me---?.... but? Okay...Well, whatevs, I'm'a find the Time Machine. I know it exists somewhere out there....Someone's gotta be able to tell me where it's at.
Otherwise I'm actually gonna have to, like, be a father or whatever. Which was never the plan. The plan was always the Time Machine...Oh God...what if there's no....?*
*Levi pukes
