This is real

"Hey, you know that movie 'Let the Right One In' that most everyone really, really loved? And a lot of critics thought was the best foreign film of 2008? And like barely has been out of theatres for more than 6 months? Yeah, uh, I'd really like to remake it. And I want to change the title to sound like a shitty Sandra-Bullock romantic comedy. Is that cool? Can I have 35 million dollars please? Sweet. Yeah, I directed Cloverfield so obvssssss I can do it. Yeah. Thanks. L8r."

To be read in conjunction with THIS.

God's Resignation Speech

I appreciate speaking directly to you, the people I live above, as your God. People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than the world I created in seven days. Serving her people is the greatest honor I could imagine in the world. The one that I created, I mean, as God.

Earth's mission? - to contribute to the Universe. It's really strategic IN the universe as the air crossroads OF the universe, as a gatekeeper of the universe. Bold visionaries knew this: Earth is a really important planet. This planet, blessed with air, water, wildlife, minerals, New Jersey, AND oil and gas. It's energy, you know what I mean? Fuckin' EN-ER-GY. I gave you energy.

So to serve the Earth is a really intense responsibility, because I know in my soul that Earth is of such import in our very volatile universe. And you know me by now, I promised a couple thousand years ago to show MY independence... that's why I rested on the seventh day. That was foreshadowing. So now, as I leave Earth in the capable hands of someone else, it's no more conventional "lording as usual."

And I am doing well, otherwise! My Earth accomplishments speak for themselves. I worked tirelessly for the Earth. Think of all the great stuff I've done in my time as God.

1) Fire

2) The Renaissance

3) Mario Batali

4) the iPhone

People rag on me a lot. I mean a lot of people love me, but generally I get a lot of flak. It's pretty insane - my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with other people's PETTY B.S instead of progressing our planet now. I know I promised no more "politics as usual," but THIS isn't what anyone had in mind for EARTH.

Generally, I just think I can do more for the planet as just a guy who used to be God instead of the guy who currently is God, you know what I mean by this? Life is too short to compromise time and resources... it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your God-head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: "Sit down and shut up", but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out. You can't sit down and shut up when you're God, which is why when I'm not God anymore, I can stand up and do other stuff, like not doing stuff, which is also important, yes? Yeah! You betcha.

And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow." So by stepping down as God I'm avoiding the flow, which makes me a better God. This makes sense for a lot of reasons, reasons of which I will not go into now for fear of giving in to pressure. And I am not one to "give in to pressure from other people."

So as of tomorrow, my assistant Ashley will step in as God. I think it is obvious she will carry out my duties admirably and goodly. And it is my promise to you that I will always be standing by, ready to assist. We have a good, positive agenda for Earth.

In the words of General MacArthur: "We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction."

babies.

A blog that rachel reads called Pacing the Panic Room about a young family about to have a baby...just had their baby.

I thought this photograph was beautiful.

The Berkshire Round-Up

I'm in Williamstown, MA doing some plays at the Williamstown Theatre Festival. As a former Middlebury College student I feel kind of evil living on the campus of our former rival, Williams College - whose mascot is the "Eph," a purple cow, which is flat stupid - but, on the other hand, I've been absolutely loving being in the mountains again, in a college town where you look forward to breakfast at a shitty diner, drink in people's backyards, swim in creeks, buy $14 30-racks of PBR, and go to the Wal-Mart fifteen minutes away for your every need.

I rag on Wal-Mart often, mostly because of how evil they are in every way possible, but fuck! They have everything! One-stop shopping is the shittttttttt. I got shoes for ten dollars and I feel great. A huge box of Frosted Mini-Wheats was $1.99. You know what that costs at Key Foods? Like a million dollars. So, yeah, suffice to say, I bought a lot of cereal.

Aside from the weather (rain literally every day for 2 weeks straight,) the whole thing has been a blast. The shows are fantastic, the playwrights are amazing, and if you're in the market for a Berkshire retreat you should come see these, as well as the mainstage shows with the famous people.

World Premieres of:
After the Revolution (July 12-13)
by Amy Herzog
directed by Tamara Fisch

Golden Gate (August 12-13)
book and lyrics by Chris Dimond. Music by Michael Kooman
directed by Dan Rigazzi

Pure insanity: Mark Sanford's press conference admitting his marital infidelity.
Thanks to lazerfuque for the link.



We all want wild adventures on the Appalachian Trail, Mark.

I'm jealous I didn't think of this first... man, these keep getting better.



Also - Blogger deleted my last post.
I don't understand why.
They must not have liked it.
Wouldn't that be sad - if Blogger could just delete people's blog posts it didn't like? Talk about a self-esteem shitter.